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F*#*#*E&# the French

I will not soon forget how the French lined up against America in the Security Council during the recent debate on Iraq. During my years in Europe, 1980-89, I was introduced to the American cemeteries in Europe. Many of them are in France. One particularly impressive one is at St. Avold.Thousands of America's fallen were buried there because logistics during the two world wars did not allow the return of human remains to the United States. Their graves are a perpetual reminder of the commitment that our country made to the French in their dire time of need. The fight on the continent began on the shores of Normandy and the heroic and tenacious soldiers who landed there on D-Day and fought their way across France ultimately prevailed and delivered France back to its people. The French have repaid us over the years by repeatedly letting us down. Just a few years after WWII while being led by a WWII general in the likes of none other than Charles de Gaulle, they pulled their military out of NATO. Once again, in the past couple of months they expressed their gratitude and true colors by cutting the legs out from under our diplomatic efforts at the United Nations. I look forward to the opportunity to return the favor.

FTF Baby,

Don Lopez


March 4, 2003.

It was reported today that severe earthquakes have occurred in 10 different locations in France.

The severity was measured in excess of 9 on the Richter Scale. The cause was the 56,681 dead American soldiers buried in French soil rolling over in their graves.

According to the American Battle Monuments Commission, there are 26,255 American dead from World War I buried in 4 cemeteries in France. There are 30,426 American dead from World War II buried in 6 cemeteries in France.

These 56,681 brave American heroes died in their youth to liberate a country that is guilty of shameful unspeakable behavior in the 21st century. May the United States of America never forget their sacrifice as we find ways to forcefully deal with the Godforsaken, unappreciative, forgetful country of France!

PASS THIS AROUND! Maybe it will get to someone in France!

My favorite bumper sticker in Washington, DC right now
is the one that says 'First Iraq, then France'."
- Tom Brokaw

Why are all the highways in France lined with trees? So the Germans can march in the shade!!!

Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada.-Ted Nugent

The only way the French are going in with us is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?

A. The Army

Q. How do you stop a French Tank?

A. Shoot the guy pushing.

Q. How many Frenchman does it take to defend Paris?

A. We don't know, it's never been tried.

Q. How many gears does a French tank have?

A. Four reverse gears and one forward gear just in case they get attacked from behind.

The best French bashing line heard over the last week is:
"We can count on the French to be there when they need us."

"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!" 
---- Hannibal Lecter

While speaking to the Hoover Institution today,
Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was asked this question:
"Could you tell us why to date at least the
Administration doesn't favor direct talks with the
North Korean government? After all, we're talking 
with the French."

The Secretary smiled and replied: 
"I'm not going there!"

"I would rather have a German division in front of me
than a French one behind me." 
--- General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." 
--Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." 
---- Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
---Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
---Rush Limbaugh,

"The only time France wants us to go to war is
when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
--- Regis Philbin

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know."

--- P.J O'Rourke (1989)

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress
the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but 
doesn't have the face for it." 
---John McCain
U.S. Senator from Arizona

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein?
Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret.
He is French, people."
--Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France
won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq.
After all, France wouldn't help us get the 
Germans out of France!"
---Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof'
it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
--David Letterman

"Runaway" by Del Shannon, 
"Walk Right In" by the Rooftop Singers, 
"Everybody's Somebody's" Fool by Connie Francis, 
"Running Scared" by Roy Orbison, 
"I Really Don't Want to Know" by Tommy Edwards, 
"Surrender" by Elvis Presley, 
"Save It For Me" by The Four Seasons, 
"Live and Let Die" by Wings, 
"I'm Leaving It All Up To You" by Donny and Marie Osmond, 
"What a Fool Believes" by the Doobie Brothers, 
"Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin
"Raise Your Hands" by Jon Bon Jovi

On Tuesday, March 18, the U.S. State Department released a list of 30 nations it describes as the "Coalition for the Immediate Disarmament of Iraq."

Czech Republic
El Salvador
Japan *
South Korea
United Kingdom

When the US State Department was asked about the impact of the French decision to not join the coalition, they responded, "It is a shame we don't have the French onboard as they would have been invaluable in teaching the Iraqis how to surrender."